I recently just read the attached blog on sparkpeople, and instantly felt the connection.
It spoke so much to me. I am starting on sparkpeople today, because of the fact that i didn't want to set myself up to fail on yet another New Year's resolution to lose weight. I love the analogy with the Cinderella story, and setting dreams with the resolutions attached. So, here are mine for 2009, although i have more than 3 (reaching for the sky) :)
Dreams:
1. Save My Money
2. Form a stronger relationship with God
3. Be able to wear a little black dress for my 22nd Birthday
4. Finish my CDA
Resolutions
1. Save Money
a) I will save all of my change every day in a jar
b) I will deposit at least $10.00 from every pay check into a seperate savings account
c) I will pay off my 3 lowest credit cards in 2009
2. Form stronger relationship with God
a) I will attend church more regularly
b) I will intensely, rather than casually read the new bible i received
c) I will open myself up to God through prayer, and learn to trust him with my inner most thoughts again
3. Fitting into that dress by November 8, 2009
a) I will follow sparkpeople and won't stray away for any reason
b) I will workout at the gym 5-6 days a week (EVERY WEEK)
c) I will not eat fast food on a regular basis
d) I will limit myself to only Diet Pop, and only on special occassions
e) I will tell myself every day that i am beautiful and skinny
4. Finish my CDA
a) I will cash in my savings bonds
b) I will start the CDA books by February
c) I will do them as needed, and mail them in as soon as finished
d) I will focus on moving into the lead preschool position by fall 2009
Everything that i need to accomplish my dreams for 2009 is right here in front of me.
It's up to me, and only me now!
yay me! :)
www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=lis
t_3_wishes_and_resolve_to_make_them_co
me_true
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
okay, so here we go. i'm back at it again.
Today, i re-signed up for a website called sparkpeople.com
This is the website that helped me lose almost 30 pounds last year. I realy love the site, and i love the people i've met through the site. It's more than just a diet, it's a weight loss program, but it also helps you create a healthy lifestyle. Sure, you probably don't want to hear about my weight loss problems and all of that junk, BUT, part of this program is realizing reality, and opening up about it.
I have shut my friends out for so long, so this is my way of sharing my story.
I posted the following blog on my sparkpeople blog, but thought it was a good idea to share it here, as it would be a start in using my friends as support through this journey which has just begun, again. :)
Alright here it goes: I have been overweight for as long as i can remember. I remember trying to diet in jr. high, and when i reached a size 12, i was so happy. Of course, i didn't stay there very long, but since turning 12, i think that's the lowest size and weight i've ever been. I am short, so this much weight really makes for an oddly shaped person. ;) I am solid as well. I was a 4 sport varsity athlete in high school, and was always on the go, so i have a lot of muscle still, but most of it is just nasty fat. I've always been heavier on the scale than what i appear due to my solid, full figure, and my body being directly porportional.. everything on me is huge. :) I've always blamed my weight on stress. In High school, on top of working 2 jobs, playing 4 varsity sports, being the oldest of 7 children with a full time college student as a mother, and a father who lived in Oklahoma for half of my high school career, i also was student council president, class secretary, and president, SADD vice president, NHS secretary, a member of the Jackson area teen advisory panel, a peer mentor, and a teacher's aide, as well as working on the presidential campaign trail my senior year. Sure, i had a more than full schedule, and led a very unhealthy, and stressfull life. Looking back now, i can't imagine how i had the confidence to be such a vocal, and open person to so many people. After graduation from High School, i started college, left all of my leadership loves behind, and just went to the community college. I did well my first year, but then became depressed. I gained a lot of weight, lost some friends, and started hating myself. I resented who i was, and what i was doing with my life. I resented everything that had made me who i was, including my faith, which i hypocritically claimed was so important to me. I fell in to a deep funk, a funk that no one was aware of. I, still to this day have not verbally opened up as much as i should have to my friends and family about how low i really was. I never wanted to kill myself, or resort to anything of the such, but i was severelly depressed. With my depression, i worked stupid jobs that i hated, put on a sorry front for people, appeared as a bitch, and made some awfully stupid decisions, said stupid things, and fell apart from some family members. I seriously HATED who i was, and made excuses for myself, and why i felt that way. I'm not sure what i was that exactly pulled me out of the low funk i was in, but somehow, i managed to come back to life. It took a long time, but i finally realized that the life i was living was pathetic. Since graduating High School in 2005, i had gained almost 100 pounds. I joined sparkpeople in January of 2008, and lost a quick 30 pounds by April. I fell off the bandwagon, and gained more than half of that weight back. In November, as my 21st birthday approached, i stepped on the scale, and fell into reality. I couldn't believe what i was seeing before my eyes. My goal had been to be "hot" for my 21st celebration, and here i was, almost right back where i started. I didn't even want to go out, because i was embarrassed of what i had let myself become again. I started a weight loss challenge with my best friend, and started out doing great. I got sick, thanksgiving approached, and fell off again. I did it by myself, and since November 10th have lost 8 pounds. I am not longer as close as i was to my original weight, but i am far from any goals i have. I know who i am. I am beautiful, but i am also disgusting. I know that i am a good person, and i know what i am capable of. I am confident with who i am continuing to become on the inside, and i know what i am capable of on the outside. I know that skin deep, i am beautiful. BUT, i'm realistic. Standing Naked, i am disgusting. There is no other word to describe it. I want to change how i feel about that, and i want to change how people see me from the outside. When people see me, i'm sure they see the inside, and i'm sure they see me as a beautiful person, but i want to be more than beautiful, i want to be healthy, and truly happy with who i am on the outside. I am me, I am happy as me, and i know that that is all that matters in this world. I love myself, and i am confident that i 'm doing something with my life, and becoming the person i've always dreamed of, but i feel i can do so much more, and that these goals need to be obtained and accomplished for me to really be successful in this life. Today, my friends still don't know how far in that hole i really was, or why and how i became so depressed. I think for as low as i was, i did a damn good job of hiding behind something fake. I wish i felt comfortable opening up to my friends about my depression , and the life that i lived for so long, but it's so personal to me, and i really don't have any explanations, so i can't do that. I hope they read this blog, and realize how thankful that i am to have them in my life. I am so thankful that they never gave up on me, even in my darkest hours, because without them, i wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't be the person i am, and i wouldnt have been able to rise from such a huge fall if i didn't have the support and non judgemental feelings of the greatest friends this world has to offer. I hope this blog serves its purpose in putting that past behind me finally, and moving on to 2009 with higher goals set for myself to accomplish, and much closer to reach. 2009 is going to be great, that's all it takes: Positive thinking and positive reinforcement. The power of my mind is endless.. "what you think about, you bring about!"
Today, i re-signed up for a website called sparkpeople.com
This is the website that helped me lose almost 30 pounds last year. I realy love the site, and i love the people i've met through the site. It's more than just a diet, it's a weight loss program, but it also helps you create a healthy lifestyle. Sure, you probably don't want to hear about my weight loss problems and all of that junk, BUT, part of this program is realizing reality, and opening up about it.
I have shut my friends out for so long, so this is my way of sharing my story.
I posted the following blog on my sparkpeople blog, but thought it was a good idea to share it here, as it would be a start in using my friends as support through this journey which has just begun, again. :)
Alright here it goes: I have been overweight for as long as i can remember. I remember trying to diet in jr. high, and when i reached a size 12, i was so happy. Of course, i didn't stay there very long, but since turning 12, i think that's the lowest size and weight i've ever been. I am short, so this much weight really makes for an oddly shaped person. ;) I am solid as well. I was a 4 sport varsity athlete in high school, and was always on the go, so i have a lot of muscle still, but most of it is just nasty fat. I've always been heavier on the scale than what i appear due to my solid, full figure, and my body being directly porportional.. everything on me is huge. :) I've always blamed my weight on stress. In High school, on top of working 2 jobs, playing 4 varsity sports, being the oldest of 7 children with a full time college student as a mother, and a father who lived in Oklahoma for half of my high school career, i also was student council president, class secretary, and president, SADD vice president, NHS secretary, a member of the Jackson area teen advisory panel, a peer mentor, and a teacher's aide, as well as working on the presidential campaign trail my senior year. Sure, i had a more than full schedule, and led a very unhealthy, and stressfull life. Looking back now, i can't imagine how i had the confidence to be such a vocal, and open person to so many people. After graduation from High School, i started college, left all of my leadership loves behind, and just went to the community college. I did well my first year, but then became depressed. I gained a lot of weight, lost some friends, and started hating myself. I resented who i was, and what i was doing with my life. I resented everything that had made me who i was, including my faith, which i hypocritically claimed was so important to me. I fell in to a deep funk, a funk that no one was aware of. I, still to this day have not verbally opened up as much as i should have to my friends and family about how low i really was. I never wanted to kill myself, or resort to anything of the such, but i was severelly depressed. With my depression, i worked stupid jobs that i hated, put on a sorry front for people, appeared as a bitch, and made some awfully stupid decisions, said stupid things, and fell apart from some family members. I seriously HATED who i was, and made excuses for myself, and why i felt that way. I'm not sure what i was that exactly pulled me out of the low funk i was in, but somehow, i managed to come back to life. It took a long time, but i finally realized that the life i was living was pathetic. Since graduating High School in 2005, i had gained almost 100 pounds. I joined sparkpeople in January of 2008, and lost a quick 30 pounds by April. I fell off the bandwagon, and gained more than half of that weight back. In November, as my 21st birthday approached, i stepped on the scale, and fell into reality. I couldn't believe what i was seeing before my eyes. My goal had been to be "hot" for my 21st celebration, and here i was, almost right back where i started. I didn't even want to go out, because i was embarrassed of what i had let myself become again. I started a weight loss challenge with my best friend, and started out doing great. I got sick, thanksgiving approached, and fell off again. I did it by myself, and since November 10th have lost 8 pounds. I am not longer as close as i was to my original weight, but i am far from any goals i have. I know who i am. I am beautiful, but i am also disgusting. I know that i am a good person, and i know what i am capable of. I am confident with who i am continuing to become on the inside, and i know what i am capable of on the outside. I know that skin deep, i am beautiful. BUT, i'm realistic. Standing Naked, i am disgusting. There is no other word to describe it. I want to change how i feel about that, and i want to change how people see me from the outside. When people see me, i'm sure they see the inside, and i'm sure they see me as a beautiful person, but i want to be more than beautiful, i want to be healthy, and truly happy with who i am on the outside. I am me, I am happy as me, and i know that that is all that matters in this world. I love myself, and i am confident that i 'm doing something with my life, and becoming the person i've always dreamed of, but i feel i can do so much more, and that these goals need to be obtained and accomplished for me to really be successful in this life. Today, my friends still don't know how far in that hole i really was, or why and how i became so depressed. I think for as low as i was, i did a damn good job of hiding behind something fake. I wish i felt comfortable opening up to my friends about my depression , and the life that i lived for so long, but it's so personal to me, and i really don't have any explanations, so i can't do that. I hope they read this blog, and realize how thankful that i am to have them in my life. I am so thankful that they never gave up on me, even in my darkest hours, because without them, i wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't be the person i am, and i wouldnt have been able to rise from such a huge fall if i didn't have the support and non judgemental feelings of the greatest friends this world has to offer. I hope this blog serves its purpose in putting that past behind me finally, and moving on to 2009 with higher goals set for myself to accomplish, and much closer to reach. 2009 is going to be great, that's all it takes: Positive thinking and positive reinforcement. The power of my mind is endless.. "what you think about, you bring about!"
Thursday, December 4, 2008
My Life
The past few days, i've done way too much thinking about my life. It has fried my brain.
.........
....
....
..
..
.
.
.
haha just kidding, but seriously.. i don't know where it's taking me. I really need some advice on what to do with my life. I know that sounds kind of ridiculous since it's my life and i should make the decisions, and do what makes me happy. BUT, here's the thing... i don't know what makes me happy...
here's what i'm thinking..
1. I have never done anything with my life, other than work with kids. Seriously, i had stupid bagger jobs and i worked at subway, and Evelyn Bay, but in reality, all i've ever done is taught, watched, nannied, babysat, and raised kids. I have no experience doing anything else.
2. I am a natural born leader. I am a go getter. I am a control freak.
3. I like being involved, i always do too much, and put too much on my plate, and i enjoy planning, organizing, and implementing.
4. I love kids
Okay, so with those 4 points made, i've come to these conclusions about my career:
1. I want to work with kids, some how some way
2. Child Development and Psychology interests and intrigues me
3. I want to make a difference
4. I don't think Money is a factor
5. I don't think i want to be a teacher
okay, so i've spend $25,000 and three years in college working on an Elementary Education Degree, and i just decided that i don't want to be a teacher. WOW. Alright, so no big deal, i've still got plenty of time, right!?
Well, here's where i'm at.
1. I don't know if i want to be a pyschologist or therapist, but it is something that has crossed my mind.
2. I want to be influential in the lives of children
3. I enjoy writing
4. I want to be successfull
Oh man, this just keeps going on and on.
I've researched all these different colleges, programs, degrees, and i stll can't seem to find the one thing that inspires me, other than the fact that it deals with kids. lol
SOOO, here's my problem: I know what i want, i just don't know where this could take me in a career. Here's what i want:
1. I want to inspire, and encourage people, i want to help people, i want people to understand their worth, their value, and their strength.
2. I want to change the world
3. I want to work with Children
4. I value, understand, and am extremelly interested in Child Development
5. I don't want to be a teacher
6. I want to write a book
7. I want that book to be published
8. I want to be successfull, AND happy. :)
okay, so now i need help. I know what i want, but i don't know how to put it all together and get what i want. I don't know where this takes me, if there is a job that fits this description, or comes close. I don't know if there is a degree, or 2 or 4 that meet these wishes, but i need to find it. I've finally come to realize what i want, i just need the inspiration to find the right way to get it.
I can not go another semester without being in school. I feel like i have so much left to learn, and i want to get my career started. I want to get going somewhere in this world. If this takes me out of Grass Lake, so be it, but i just want to feel accomplished, and i want to get my life started. My life outside of the bubble i live in now. There is so much left out there for me to see, and do, and there's so many people i want to meet, and pictures i want to take. I want to get started on this next journey in my life. If it leaves me here in Grass Lake, then so be it, but i just want to do something with this life that i've been blessed to have.
Here's what i'm asking of you, the readers...
please read this and respond, via a comment. You don't have to be a blogspot member to comment, it can be annonymous.. however, please comment. I need input. I need to find the inspiration, and i need to see what my options are.
Tell me what you think, if i'm stupid, or rational, if it's admirable, or ridiculous. Tell me if you think you know the career i'm looking for, tell me if you know the college than can get me there.. tell me if you know the job i'm looking for, or whatever... just leave me some input so i can find the inspiration to inspire other people...
.........
....
....
..
..
.
.
.
haha just kidding, but seriously.. i don't know where it's taking me. I really need some advice on what to do with my life. I know that sounds kind of ridiculous since it's my life and i should make the decisions, and do what makes me happy. BUT, here's the thing... i don't know what makes me happy...
here's what i'm thinking..
1. I have never done anything with my life, other than work with kids. Seriously, i had stupid bagger jobs and i worked at subway, and Evelyn Bay, but in reality, all i've ever done is taught, watched, nannied, babysat, and raised kids. I have no experience doing anything else.
2. I am a natural born leader. I am a go getter. I am a control freak.
3. I like being involved, i always do too much, and put too much on my plate, and i enjoy planning, organizing, and implementing.
4. I love kids
Okay, so with those 4 points made, i've come to these conclusions about my career:
1. I want to work with kids, some how some way
2. Child Development and Psychology interests and intrigues me
3. I want to make a difference
4. I don't think Money is a factor
5. I don't think i want to be a teacher
okay, so i've spend $25,000 and three years in college working on an Elementary Education Degree, and i just decided that i don't want to be a teacher. WOW. Alright, so no big deal, i've still got plenty of time, right!?
Well, here's where i'm at.
1. I don't know if i want to be a pyschologist or therapist, but it is something that has crossed my mind.
2. I want to be influential in the lives of children
3. I enjoy writing
4. I want to be successfull
Oh man, this just keeps going on and on.
I've researched all these different colleges, programs, degrees, and i stll can't seem to find the one thing that inspires me, other than the fact that it deals with kids. lol
SOOO, here's my problem: I know what i want, i just don't know where this could take me in a career. Here's what i want:
1. I want to inspire, and encourage people, i want to help people, i want people to understand their worth, their value, and their strength.
2. I want to change the world
3. I want to work with Children
4. I value, understand, and am extremelly interested in Child Development
5. I don't want to be a teacher
6. I want to write a book
7. I want that book to be published
8. I want to be successfull, AND happy. :)
okay, so now i need help. I know what i want, but i don't know how to put it all together and get what i want. I don't know where this takes me, if there is a job that fits this description, or comes close. I don't know if there is a degree, or 2 or 4 that meet these wishes, but i need to find it. I've finally come to realize what i want, i just need the inspiration to find the right way to get it.
I can not go another semester without being in school. I feel like i have so much left to learn, and i want to get my career started. I want to get going somewhere in this world. If this takes me out of Grass Lake, so be it, but i just want to feel accomplished, and i want to get my life started. My life outside of the bubble i live in now. There is so much left out there for me to see, and do, and there's so many people i want to meet, and pictures i want to take. I want to get started on this next journey in my life. If it leaves me here in Grass Lake, then so be it, but i just want to do something with this life that i've been blessed to have.
Here's what i'm asking of you, the readers...
please read this and respond, via a comment. You don't have to be a blogspot member to comment, it can be annonymous.. however, please comment. I need input. I need to find the inspiration, and i need to see what my options are.
Tell me what you think, if i'm stupid, or rational, if it's admirable, or ridiculous. Tell me if you think you know the career i'm looking for, tell me if you know the college than can get me there.. tell me if you know the job i'm looking for, or whatever... just leave me some input so i can find the inspiration to inspire other people...
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Friendship
I've been pondering this blog for the past week. I've been unsure of what to say, or how to say it. I've even sat down a few times and began the first few sentances, but have grown unsure of myself and what i was writing, so i hit the big red X, and pushed it aside for yet another time.
Here I am, still unsure of what i'm going to say, or how it's going to be worded, but i think it's time i just let the words come to me, follow what my heart is speaking, and really just type from within. The ever longing question that has been bothering me is, "what is friendship?". It's always been easier for me to express my thoughts in writing, hence the reason i always write long novels to my friends in their birthday cards, or why i can't just ask one simple question, but i chose to say as much as possible to get one simple answer. I just feel comfortable writing, and able to express so much more in my words, even though half the time it dosen't make sense to say as much as i say.
Lately, i've thought alot about my friends. I have been truly blessed with the best friends in the entire world. Besides a few quotes, and internet defintions, i'm going to explain my definition of friendship through the following testimonials to/about my friends.
"True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation."- George Washington
"A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself."
"Friends are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life."
"The love of my life is the love between friends."
Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more beings. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and effection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them.
Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:
the tendency to desire what is best for the other, sympathy, and empathy, honesty, and mutual understanding. -wikipedia
the tendency to desire what is best for the other, sympathy, and empathy, honesty, and mutual understanding. -wikipedia
Emily- You have been my best friend since High School.. we have been friends for longer, but we really became close sophomore and junior years. Senior year, our friendship grew into more than just being friends, but Best Friends; the term i still use today to describe you. You've been here for me through my worst times. Even though, you may not have known the whole story about what i was going through, just having your friendship helped me through a serious depression i suffered through with my anxiety issues. Friends like you don't happen to every person, and i'm so blessed and so lucky to have you in my life. You have supported me through every decision that i've made, i'm comfortable around you no matter what, and you have helped me come out of my shell and to not be so uptight about situations. You've helped me see the real meaning of life, and you've helped shape me into the person i'm becoming. I couldn't have made it through so many things in my life without you, and i certainly can't imagine my life without you in it. I thank God every day that nothing has torn us apart threw that years and even in the 4 years since high school, we've somehow become closer, and have such an unbelievable bond.
Amanda- you, too are my best friend. I couldn't imagine the last 4 years without you. We've been friends since the day you moved in with your dad. I'll never forget that night at All-Skate when i thought i was so damn cool, and you were new to the school. ;) We were closer in Jr. High than we were in High School, but i'm so happy that we grew closer after graduation. We have been through a lot these past four years, and i don't think i would be the same person i am today without you in my life. I am truly blessed to have you as a best friend. You always find a way to make me smile or laugh, even when i want to punch you in your face. lol jk, but seriously, you're always keeping everyone upbeat, and you've helped me to realize how important it is to just let loose and have fun, even in the darkest of situations. I am so glad that you've shared these last 4 years of your life with me, and you've been the one who has made so many memories with me, and cried so many tears. I know that we can get through anything and that we will remain friends forever.
Jennie- Jennie, you and i were a lot closer in elementary school, but through Amanda, we've still remained close. Even though we don't hang out that much, i am still so greatful to have you as a friend. I know that you're always there, and you're always ready to fart, just to lighten up a sticky situation. You are always making me laugh, and just thinking about you always puts a smile on my face. Thank you so much for sharing your life with me, and i hope we continue to be friends for the rest of our lives.
Cristal- I'm so glad that we've gotten closer through Amanda. You may be Amanda's aunt, but i think of you more as my friend. We've been through alot together these past 4 years, and i'm so glad that you're in my life. I'm so blessed to be apart of your life, and to see your children grow up and be there for you and them. Thank you for always being there, always being able to help me see the best out of situations, and always making me remember who i am, and what makes me that person.
Tonya- So, we're not really that close, and we haven't known each other that long, but i'm so glad we've become friends through Cristal. You are an amazing woman, and seeing what you do inspires me to be a better person. You inspire me to believe in myself, and follow my dreams and i thank you for that. My birthday certainly wouldn't have been the same without you, and i'm looking forward to many more birthday celebrations with you. Ice Ice Baby!!!! :)
Ashley- Where do i start? I'm so glad that we've gotten to know each other through Emily. I couldn't have asked for a better person to enter my life when you entered mine. We have so much in common, and i love spending time with you. You bring out so much in me, and i can trust you. I know that you're always available, and i cherish our friendship. I'm so thankful that we're getting so close, and that our friendship is becoming so great. You are an amazing person, and your strength through rough times helps to remind me to stay strong. When i feel like breaking down, you are the person that helps me stay strong. You truly are admirable, and i am so blessed to have such a great person in my life.
Teresa- we haven't really spent that much time together, but i'm so glad that i've met you through Emily and Ashley. You and I, also have a lot in common, (maybe not as much as you and amanda but it's there ;)). I am looking forward to many more nights of fun with you, and days of shopping, especially at 3am. ;) Thank you for being so open and friendly to me, and for opening your home to me. I appreciate it, and am so blessed to be able to continue to grow closer to you and Steve.
Sara- I know i'm not supposed to talk about you in my blog, but i didn't feel right leaving you out. We've had our shares of ups and downs, especially lately. I don't know what to say about that other than i'm sorry. I've learned alot about myself, and about life through you. There is no one else in this world who i would rather see my brother married to. I am very excited for you two to start your lives together, and to raise a family. I'm so lucky to have you in my life, not very many people are as lucky as i am to have such a great, caring sister in law. I couldn't have gotten through a lot of things in my life without you, and i'm glad you've been here. I hope you realize how important you are to me and my family, and i hope you know how much we love you. You truly are an amazing woman, and you are one of the strongest people i know, to be able to do what you do, and to go through your relationship with my brother the way you do, really takes strength and integrity, and you've done so well through it all. Give yourself credit for all you do, and please realize how important you are to all of us.
Adam- Thank you for being such a great friend to me. You truly have helped me alot in these past few months. I didn't know you that well until you started hanging out with Emily again, but i'm so happy that we've gotten closer. I'm thankful to you for being so understanding, and helpful with everything that has come my way. I'm truly blessed to have you in my life, and thank you over and over again for being there for me, for wiping my tears away, and for making me laugh. I truly couldn't imagine these past few months without you.
Ryan- Even though we really haven't hung out that much, especially lately, i'm so glad that you too are in my life. You have treated Amanda like the princess she deserves to be treated as. You have taken us, her friends, in like your own family. You have been the rock that we've all needed through this past few months. Even though you are thousands of miles away, i thank you for being such a great influence in my life, and for being there for us, even in the desserts of Iraq. You truly are an American hero, and a great person. I couldn't have asked for a better person to steal the heart of my best friend. Thank you for being all that you are, and for being true to all of us, and to yourself through all that you've been through.
I am truly blessed to have such great friends. I couldn't have asked for better people to grace me with their precense. My friends know the true meaning of friendship, as they are always there for me, they can always make me laugh, and they support me through every decision i make, even if it may be extraordinarily crazy, and outrageous. My friends know me inside and out, and still chose to be with me all the time. We have the best times together, and can make any situation into a party. I know that my friends will always be here for me, no matter what the situation, or what the time is. There are so many other important people in my life, but i've highlighted the ones who have made such an impact on my life, and who i know cherish my friendship as much as i cherish theirs.
I love you all so much, and i can't imagine my life without you in it.
I am trying to spread the word to all of you, and to make sure that you all know how much i appreciate you and your friendship. I hope you all realize what amazing people you are, and how great you are.
Please remember to keep your heads held high, stay true to yourself, and always believe in who you are! I love you!
Please remember to keep your heads held high, stay true to yourself, and always believe in who you are! I love you!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
hmm
so, i thought about writing something today, but i've decided not to, because i don't think as a 21 year old, that it's really all that important to explain myself to other people. I don't do anything to hurt anyone, and i try my best to live a good, christian life. I go to church, work, love my job, love my family, respect my parents, i'm there for my friends, and i strive for the best every day. Good enough for me? sure. where i'm at in my life, i couldn't ask for anything different, or more.
So, instead of what i originally had in mind... i'm going to blog about the topic of "blogging".
The wikipedia definition of blogging can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blog
but, some of my favorite blogs to read can be found here: www.espn.com
People blog all the time these days. People blog about current events, special events, sports, music, movies, life, and then theres blogging for the personal online diary so to say entries..
Some of the world's most profound writers can be found "blogging"...
i just chose to do mine via blogspot, via the internet. It's easier for me to type than it is to write things out, and with today's technologically advanced society, why not take advantage of something so neat.
This is a place for me to write down my thoughts, my dreams, my aspirations, and my accomplishments. Somewhere for people who are interested to see what's going on through my head. What happens in my life, and how i feel about those happenenings around me. What happens in the world, and how it affects me, or again how i feel about them. In a way, you could say this is my personal online diary. However, it's not a secret. Anyone can read it, and i have no intentions of hiding it from anyone. It's very personal, but its also very public. Sure, some days i may only write about me, and whats going on in my personal life, but other days i may write about politics, how i veiw the next four years with America's first african american president, or who i think will win the superbowl and why. If you find it interesting, great! If not, sorry... there are thousands of blogs you can read on this domain. :) What i will never do in my blog is use it as a scapegoat.. i will not attack anyone verbally,(through my blog), I will never talk about anyone specific in my life in a bad way, I will never threaten anyone, and I will not use my blog to hide my feelings. That's not what it's for, it's simply to express them in a different way. I will not, nor have i ever used someone's name while talking about the aspects of my life. I will simply write about what is going on, and how i feel about it. I will not intend to cause any grief or harm, simply to share with the online blogging world and myself, as a 21 year old american female, what i'm feeling, thinking, and seeing around me.
That is my creed as a blogger on this domain.
And to close, a theraputic reason for blogging:
"Scientists have long known the therapeutic benefits of writing about personal experiences. Blogs provide another convenient avenue for writing about personal experiences. Research shows that it improves memory and sleep, boosts immune cell activity and reduces viral load in AIDS patients and even speeds healing after surgery."
So, instead of what i originally had in mind... i'm going to blog about the topic of "blogging".
The wikipedia definition of blogging can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blog
but, some of my favorite blogs to read can be found here: www.espn.com
People blog all the time these days. People blog about current events, special events, sports, music, movies, life, and then theres blogging for the personal online diary so to say entries..
Some of the world's most profound writers can be found "blogging"...
i just chose to do mine via blogspot, via the internet. It's easier for me to type than it is to write things out, and with today's technologically advanced society, why not take advantage of something so neat.
This is a place for me to write down my thoughts, my dreams, my aspirations, and my accomplishments. Somewhere for people who are interested to see what's going on through my head. What happens in my life, and how i feel about those happenenings around me. What happens in the world, and how it affects me, or again how i feel about them. In a way, you could say this is my personal online diary. However, it's not a secret. Anyone can read it, and i have no intentions of hiding it from anyone. It's very personal, but its also very public. Sure, some days i may only write about me, and whats going on in my personal life, but other days i may write about politics, how i veiw the next four years with America's first african american president, or who i think will win the superbowl and why. If you find it interesting, great! If not, sorry... there are thousands of blogs you can read on this domain. :) What i will never do in my blog is use it as a scapegoat.. i will not attack anyone verbally,(through my blog), I will never talk about anyone specific in my life in a bad way, I will never threaten anyone, and I will not use my blog to hide my feelings. That's not what it's for, it's simply to express them in a different way. I will not, nor have i ever used someone's name while talking about the aspects of my life. I will simply write about what is going on, and how i feel about it. I will not intend to cause any grief or harm, simply to share with the online blogging world and myself, as a 21 year old american female, what i'm feeling, thinking, and seeing around me.
That is my creed as a blogger on this domain.
And to close, a theraputic reason for blogging:
"Scientists have long known the therapeutic benefits of writing about personal experiences. Blogs provide another convenient avenue for writing about personal experiences. Research shows that it improves memory and sleep, boosts immune cell activity and reduces viral load in AIDS patients and even speeds healing after surgery."
Monday, November 17, 2008
Snow
I love the snow..
seriously!
and i love my friends!
We totally just went out and played in the snow with nothing but our coats on..
yay!!!
even though my pants are slightly wet and i have no change of clothes, i am way pumped that i have such great friends to help cheer me up on such an emotionally draining night...
thank God for the loves in my life... and for all that they do for me..
LOVE YOU ALL!
seriously!
and i love my friends!
We totally just went out and played in the snow with nothing but our coats on..
yay!!!
even though my pants are slightly wet and i have no change of clothes, i am way pumped that i have such great friends to help cheer me up on such an emotionally draining night...
thank God for the loves in my life... and for all that they do for me..
LOVE YOU ALL!
Christmas
Okay so i haven't posted in like a week, but here it goes...
I LOVE the snow... and it's melted already!? :(
but.. let's hope it snows all week.. it really puts me in the holiday mood, and i love feeling so grateful about my life, and so blessed around the holiday season...
It's going to be really weird this year, with Tom in the Marine Corps..
I'm not gonna start anything and i don't want to piss anyone off, but lets just say I really hope Tom spends Christmas with us, his family.. Christmas is the one time of the year where we can all just forget whats going on around us, and enjoy being a Family.. it's basically the only time of the year my whole family gets together and this year may very well be one of my Grandpa Sam's last Christmas'.... his health keeps failing, and he is the strongest person i know, but i don't know how much longer he's going to be able to keep up with it... let's pray that his surgery went extraordinarily well today and that he'll still be around to see us get married, and have kids..
and... i really just want my brother to spend time with us.. it's important to me.. we are his family, that doesn't change.. EVER, and he's a huge part of all of our lives, and we want him with us, and if he gets the time off, and gets to come home, we at least want him here with us during Christmas, since we don't get much more time with him throughout the year, which is fine.. but Christmas... Christmas is so special..and important for him to be here with his family..
so.....
aside from that worry...
I lost 3 pounds last week..
I am excited, but also disappointed.. because i could have done a lot better than i did..Knowing that i didn't do as well as i could have, and still lost excites me for the possibility of losing more in the next week..
I've set new goals for myself..
well not new goals, but new rules! ;)
I will not eat out at all (not even Subway) until Christmas
and I will not drink any pop (not even Diet) until Christmas
I'm hoping this will force me to drink more water, because i def. need to do alot more of that..
and i'm also hoping that this will help me save some money, and get used to eating healthier..
I'm going to the gym starting this week too..
i'm thinking that i'm only going to do Cardio until after Christmas, and then i will start some more strength training... i have a lot of fat to lose, before i can start toning anything.. and i don't want to build muscle.. i just want to lose and tone.. and be able to enjoy shopping again..
okay...well off i go..
happy blogging! :)
I LOVE the snow... and it's melted already!? :(
but.. let's hope it snows all week.. it really puts me in the holiday mood, and i love feeling so grateful about my life, and so blessed around the holiday season...
It's going to be really weird this year, with Tom in the Marine Corps..
I'm not gonna start anything and i don't want to piss anyone off, but lets just say I really hope Tom spends Christmas with us, his family.. Christmas is the one time of the year where we can all just forget whats going on around us, and enjoy being a Family.. it's basically the only time of the year my whole family gets together and this year may very well be one of my Grandpa Sam's last Christmas'.... his health keeps failing, and he is the strongest person i know, but i don't know how much longer he's going to be able to keep up with it... let's pray that his surgery went extraordinarily well today and that he'll still be around to see us get married, and have kids..
and... i really just want my brother to spend time with us.. it's important to me.. we are his family, that doesn't change.. EVER, and he's a huge part of all of our lives, and we want him with us, and if he gets the time off, and gets to come home, we at least want him here with us during Christmas, since we don't get much more time with him throughout the year, which is fine.. but Christmas... Christmas is so special..and important for him to be here with his family..
so.....
aside from that worry...
I lost 3 pounds last week..
I am excited, but also disappointed.. because i could have done a lot better than i did..Knowing that i didn't do as well as i could have, and still lost excites me for the possibility of losing more in the next week..
I've set new goals for myself..
well not new goals, but new rules! ;)
I will not eat out at all (not even Subway) until Christmas
and I will not drink any pop (not even Diet) until Christmas
I'm hoping this will force me to drink more water, because i def. need to do alot more of that..
and i'm also hoping that this will help me save some money, and get used to eating healthier..
I'm going to the gym starting this week too..
i'm thinking that i'm only going to do Cardio until after Christmas, and then i will start some more strength training... i have a lot of fat to lose, before i can start toning anything.. and i don't want to build muscle.. i just want to lose and tone.. and be able to enjoy shopping again..
okay...well off i go..
happy blogging! :)
Desperate Housewives
So, last night's episode has got me going crazy!!
I can't believe they are going to make me wait 2 more weeks to find out what's going to happen..
I am going to be so mad when Porter gets in trouble for the fire.. he should have just killed that man ...
and i think this is going to cause an issue between susan and edie again.. because Jackson is going to come out and say he saw Dave in that room... and it's gonna cause a feud..
and what's going on with the crazy old lady, gabby being pregnant, and Carlos being able to see again? GOODNESS!
This is nuts...
it somehow gets crazier every week..
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
i'm going insane.. and it's not even been 24 hours!
I can't believe they are going to make me wait 2 more weeks to find out what's going to happen..
I am going to be so mad when Porter gets in trouble for the fire.. he should have just killed that man ...
and i think this is going to cause an issue between susan and edie again.. because Jackson is going to come out and say he saw Dave in that room... and it's gonna cause a feud..
and what's going on with the crazy old lady, gabby being pregnant, and Carlos being able to see again? GOODNESS!
This is nuts...
it somehow gets crazier every week..
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
i'm going insane.. and it's not even been 24 hours!
Monday, November 10, 2008
Day One
Well here i am.
Day one.
This is a significant day to me.
I am starting a new phase in my life.
This is the beginning of the first week of my life as an adult. I'm officially 21 years old, and ready to explore new aspects of this world.
I am completely happy with myself. I feel that i am successful and that someday i will finish school, even though it may not be in the "normal" 4 year time frame.
I love my job, and the profession i've chosen, and have huge hopes that it will carry me further.
I am in a ton of debt, most of which my parents have no idea about... i can barely pay my bills, but i'm still here, and i am more grateful of those parts of my life than others who were not stupid at 18, and who don't have to worry about debt. Someday, i will get them paid off, but for now i'm 21 years old, why worry about what i can't change?
I know that i am beautiful and strong. I have confidence in myself, but i'm also realistic.
I know what i look like, and i know that i've let myself go tremendously.
I have some health problems, that need to be taken care of, and today is the day where they are going to be kicked out.
Thank God for my best friend Emily. She is supporting me 100% and she is going to be the backbone to this new task of mine.
I have to lose weight, for myself, and for my health, but also for my future. I am very well aware of my talents, abilities, and beauty, but i am also aware that it is not healthy for me to be this large, and i need to take care of it. I lost 20 pounds earlier in the year, and then i let go of it, and gained some of it back, but i feel like i am larger than i was even at my heaviest weight. I want to be able to take pictures with my friends, and not feel embarrassed to share them..
So... here we are...
Emily and I are going on this Journey together..we have different goals but they are very similar..
she wants to wear a bikini this summer.. and i want to lose 75 pounds by summer...
I can't diet... its not normal..
I don't feel right restricting myself of anything..
so i'm going to just eat healthy.. and sure i might have something that's not healthy.. but i'm going to control the portions, and the amounts of food i am eating.. i need to find other ways of dealing with my stresses than eating, and i need to find distractions from food, because i eat when i'm bored. It's hard to find these distractions when you have no money, but i'm hoping this blog will at least keep me busy for 10 minutes every once in a while. ;)
I'm going to the gym... and i'm drinking lots of water. I'm not eating any fast food for the next 6 months.... NOTHING... i will allow myself subway.. but only a turkey sub.. with no dressing.. nothing else...
i am restricting fast food because it's awful for you, but also because i spend way too much money on food. I need to rely more on cooking and preparing my own meals. It's not going to be easy but this is the end.. i have no other choice.
I will post our goals and calendar of rewards later.. after we finalize them all..
but seriously i am so blessed to have Emily! :) Here we go!!!!!
Day one.
This is a significant day to me.
I am starting a new phase in my life.
This is the beginning of the first week of my life as an adult. I'm officially 21 years old, and ready to explore new aspects of this world.
I am completely happy with myself. I feel that i am successful and that someday i will finish school, even though it may not be in the "normal" 4 year time frame.
I love my job, and the profession i've chosen, and have huge hopes that it will carry me further.
I am in a ton of debt, most of which my parents have no idea about... i can barely pay my bills, but i'm still here, and i am more grateful of those parts of my life than others who were not stupid at 18, and who don't have to worry about debt. Someday, i will get them paid off, but for now i'm 21 years old, why worry about what i can't change?
I know that i am beautiful and strong. I have confidence in myself, but i'm also realistic.
I know what i look like, and i know that i've let myself go tremendously.
I have some health problems, that need to be taken care of, and today is the day where they are going to be kicked out.
Thank God for my best friend Emily. She is supporting me 100% and she is going to be the backbone to this new task of mine.
I have to lose weight, for myself, and for my health, but also for my future. I am very well aware of my talents, abilities, and beauty, but i am also aware that it is not healthy for me to be this large, and i need to take care of it. I lost 20 pounds earlier in the year, and then i let go of it, and gained some of it back, but i feel like i am larger than i was even at my heaviest weight. I want to be able to take pictures with my friends, and not feel embarrassed to share them..
So... here we are...
Emily and I are going on this Journey together..we have different goals but they are very similar..
she wants to wear a bikini this summer.. and i want to lose 75 pounds by summer...
I can't diet... its not normal..
I don't feel right restricting myself of anything..
so i'm going to just eat healthy.. and sure i might have something that's not healthy.. but i'm going to control the portions, and the amounts of food i am eating.. i need to find other ways of dealing with my stresses than eating, and i need to find distractions from food, because i eat when i'm bored. It's hard to find these distractions when you have no money, but i'm hoping this blog will at least keep me busy for 10 minutes every once in a while. ;)
I'm going to the gym... and i'm drinking lots of water. I'm not eating any fast food for the next 6 months.... NOTHING... i will allow myself subway.. but only a turkey sub.. with no dressing.. nothing else...
i am restricting fast food because it's awful for you, but also because i spend way too much money on food. I need to rely more on cooking and preparing my own meals. It's not going to be easy but this is the end.. i have no other choice.
I will post our goals and calendar of rewards later.. after we finalize them all..
but seriously i am so blessed to have Emily! :) Here we go!!!!!
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